I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
