help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
