I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
