Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
