Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
