I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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