obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
