Do you still have your period?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
