Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
