guys are not supposed to queef...right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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