Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
