id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
