I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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