And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
