Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
