we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
