Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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