dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
