when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize