That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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