he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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