but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
