No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
