you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
