i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
