Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
