our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
