fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
