I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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