Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
