Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
