No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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