Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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