saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
