If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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