Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
