Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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