I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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