i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
