I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
