she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
