Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
