worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
