How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
