Where is the hickey?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He shit in the fireplace
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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