Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
