FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
