Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
