He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
