I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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