I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How does one acquire holy water?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
