They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
