Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
