i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
